- Category: The Office Leek
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At a staff meeting on Thursday, Daleksec Industries systems integrator Tracy Porter learned that coworker Teena Baskers had been promoted to Integrations team lead. Porter, who competed for the promotion, reportedly yelled, “This is BS.
No offense Teena, but your migrations keep crashing. Apparently being an incompetent kiss-up is the only way to get promoted around here.”
According to eye witnesses, the room fell silent before manager Bobby Schism defended her selection, “Tracy, you’re a rock star. Just, for team lead, I felt Teena had a unique balance of technical and interpersonal skill sets.”
Porter allegedly laughed and said. “Yeah, she’s very skilled at agreeing with everything you say.” Then she stood up and continued, “I should have majored in a**-kissing instead of computer science. That’s right, I said a**. That’s how mad I am. I quit effective immediately!”
Accounts of what happened next vary slightly, though most people agree that Porter stormed out, slammed the door, opened the door again, looked in, slammed the door shut again, walked away five steps, came back, opened the door again, poked her head back in, and said, “I’ll be in my cube if you want to try to talk me out of it,” and closed the door softly.
“Tracy was robbed,” team member Jim McIntyre said. “Teena’s stuff never works right, but every day she’s like, ‘Great idea Bobby. Cute shoes Bobby. How come you’re so smart Bobby?’ It’s embarrassing for everybody.”
“I’m not a suck up,” Teena insisted. “It just happens that Bobby is always right, and super fashionable. Denying it would be dishonest.”
“Teena’s very astute,” explained Schism, “she catches things other people miss.”
“I didn’t quit,” Porter said. “I’m gonna stick around and do everything in my power to make sure Teena fails so she gets demoted and I become team lead. Wait, um, let me rephrase that. ‘I plan to be a team player and help her succeed for the good of the shareholders’.”